Been a while since I've been here:
The house is gone,
The family is away but not gone
But sometimes they too threaten to spiral away too,
The job is slipping away.
We decided to leave the house,
Gave it a new owner
and seek green lands.
No longer my home.
I see my children and wife almost every day,
Sometimes wrought in stress, fear and frustration,
Seeking connection against the time and energy I struggle to find.
They will return soon but,
My family isn't here.
I was finally successful
To a large degree anyway.
Now that's on its way out and,
Even if it should turn around at the last moment,
I am not sure I can trust it, plan on it, rely on it.
No matter what happens in ten days,
That success, opportunity and potential is part of yesterday.
Starting over, again, one more time.
But, as troubling as all this has been
And still is,
It's been a while since
I have felt sad.
Like cold wave radiating from my heart in my chest,
I have not had to deal with "sad" twenty years.
It is not that I have forgotten how to cope with sadness,
It is my old tools, tools of my youth, to manage, reduce and avoid
Will not work now.